Hope.

A bit of a departure...

Let's talk about hope.  Beautiful hope.  If you can't even picture it, this is for you. 

If you had hope once, but you don't have it now and don't even have the energy to go looking for it, I know how you feel.  I went through a rather major depression about 10 years ago.  I don't tell my spiritual story very often, but I should.  It's a hard thing to talk about. I don't want people to think I'm a kook. I don't want to offend people.  I don't want to talk people out of putting me in their projects because they think I'm going to thump everybody with my Bible. And I am such a flawed and fallible human who on occasion gets really mad or curses out loud or has a beer...in public!... who am I to start talking about God and how much I like Him and how much He likes me?  I want PEOPLE to like me, too.  That's a lot about me. I should get over myself.  This is about you.  You need to know what I know about how to get out of that place you're in.  People can call me crazy.  Trust me, I've been called worse. ;)

Back to the story...I'll summarize. 

Big hope. 

Big dream. 

No fear. 

Go get it.

Closed doors.

Bad decisions. 

Time passes. 

Bad boyfriends.

Debt.

Fired.  

Broke. 

Alone. 

Smoker. 

Older.

Fatter.

Bills, bills, bills. 

Work.

Blah. 

What is the point? I hate this. This. What is "this"? Life. I hate life. Wow. I hate life. 

And that's the summary of how, within a decade, I went from fresh and fearless to tired and hopeless. I didn't really want to kill myself because it would have taken too much effort.  I would have just really preferred not to wake up. 

At about that time I, from desperation, started going to this church....I know, church.  I'm not a fan either.  But some churches actually allow God himself to come in and breathe life into what is dead, and simply provide HIm the open door to it.  That happened to me.  Not only is the very real Spirit of God present (I know it sounds crazy - I told you I didn't want people to think I'm kooky), but the guy that is pastor there teaches in such a way that it actually becomes applicable to normal life. All I know is I went from wishing I wouldn't wake up to, one day, waking up to birds singing outside my window and putting on my running shoes for the best run on the shiniest morning of my life.  Hope.  

Well, today, I went to the Church of the Highlands website and realized that Chris Hodges is again talking about exactly this....how to navigate out of the doldrums (an actual place, who knew?) into a life you actually want to live.  If you know what I'm talking about, you might like this link: 

Hope in the Doldrums...

I'm very happy to say that my life is pretty darn fulfilling and meaningful now in truly miraculous ways.       There's a verse that says God will restore what the locusts have eaten.  I love that visual.  I have known some locusts. Yes, I have.  And He has.  And He's not done.  It's all still growing.

What's also funny is that when I started this blog, I ran across this video which I just love.  Rarely is something sweet and triumphant simultaneously.  This young man encapsulates the whole process in a couple of minutes. Bravo!

Triumph!

"May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, abounding in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"We Could Make That!"...AKA Community Theatre

"We Could Make That!"...AKA Community Theatre

(repost of entry from January 2012)  

Kids today. They think you need a hundred dollar wooden puppet theatre kiosk with a real red velvet curtain and gold-leaf trim to put on a puppet show. My poor child (or lucky child, depending on who you are) was born to a mother who tells her to “make it yourself”. It’s my response to practically everything.  All you really need is a box with a hole in it or a curtain rod in a doorway with a baby blanket over it.  Boom. Puppet theatre. One of her favorite things to play is  house in the 4-wheeler box.  You start with a box.  Cut some holes for windows so people can see in/out, decorate it, put some baby dolls in it, get in and act like you’re somebody you’re not in a place you’re not. hmmmm.  It’s more like theatre than I thought. 

This week has been an adventure in jerry-rigging... fliers out of video stills, music boxes out of greeting card recordings.  I wish that *poof* a PR person would appear.  Or a costumer. There’s a small staff at this theatre and my show isn’t the only thing going.  So I’ve been fiddling with photo layouts, compiling databases,  shopping at thrift stores, looking for tiny recording devices.  And I’m learning to knit.  That’s a blog in itself.  Don’t forget, the whole reason I started this blog was to promote “The Last Flapper” at South of Broadway Theatre Company opening January 20th.  Don’t miss it!  www.southofbroadway.com.  But I digress.

Are there actors whose only job is to act?  I’m not sure. Maybe that’s what happens when you hit it big. But it would be like being a mom and only being around to tell the bedtime story. Truth is, the collaborative process is one of the best parts of putting a show together. Alot of “actor homework” is all in your head...memorizing, making up pretend memories for your character, etc.  The “collaboration” is usually done on the stuff that nobody went into theatre for...pouring sodas at intermission, folding newsletters, sawing lumber.  In true community theatre it doesn’t really matter who you are, somebody’s got to clean the toilet.  My suggestion to anyone starting out in community theatre is this: when you buy all those headshots and workshops, buy a good cordless screwdriver.  That way after the last performance, after the crowd has gone and everyone sets about tearing down and cleaning up, you will be high on a ladder dismantling a pretend living room rather than spending your afternoon with rubber gloves and a toilet brush.  Communicable, community....same root , now isn’t it?

My friend, Danny Jones, did a terrific documentary about just this do-it-yourself aspect of theatre.  Let’s watch!  Just click on the pic at the top of this story.

Tastes Like Elephant - prepping a One-Woman-Show

WOW -- another opening night!  It's here!  I came back to this blog because today, September 7, 2012, because I wanted to lose the promoter/entertainer mode and go back to actress/artist. I wanted to remember why I ever started on this journey in the first place.  It is time for Leslie to step aside and let Zelda, the real person, have her moment in the light.  Her story is true and to tell it as such is my highest aspiration. 

The following is a re-post of my first blog about Zelda Fitzgerald and THE LAST FLAPPER production, written 12/30/11, just before the first time I performed it at South of Broadway Theatre Company. Today I am prepping for a reprise at SOBTC and this blog is as true now as it was then.  I've moved some of the original posts about the show to this blog location and will add some new ones, so check back! 
---------------

December 30, 2011
Zelda Fitzgerald is fascinating.  I saw this one-woman show 20 years ago performed by an actress whom I admire very much, K.T Curran. It lingered in the back of my mind all of that time and I fully planned on performing it myself someday.  But not today. 

Epiphany: No one but me is sitting around thinking I’d be great for this role or that role but me.  I went to see a theatre production of a play that I  have wanted to do for years.   I hadn’t auditioned.  I didn’t even know it was coming up. And I knew half the people working on it!  How did this pass me by?   I had my Scarlett-eats-a-carrot moment: “As God as my witness, I will not wait for anybody to cast me again!”.  This is a motto I thought I had adopted long ago, but until I decided to put up my own play and cast myself did I realize what it really meant. 

Next step?   “That is a good question,” I thought.  I had no idea where to begin putting on a play of my own (book a venue, secure the rights, rehearse, find tech people...whew, boy).  Even before I had my Scarlett moment I had briefly mentioned to my agent, Linda Eisen, that there was this one-woman show I had been thinking about for a while.  We talked about theatre and the importance of working with good directors, etc.  Mark Gorman came to mind.  Soon thereafter I ran into Mark at a Christmas party and mentioned that I’d like to get his opinion on a one-woman show I’d been thinking about. I e-mailed him the next day to let him know that the glass of wine had nothing to do with my seriousness about this project.  That was a year ago. If I had had any real belief that the show would happen, I would have started memorizing lines that very day.  

holding a cat, wearing a tutu, sitting on boxes.
I love her. This is the dust jacket for her novel
Save Me the Waltz

Months fly off of the calendar.  It’s summer.  Final decision:  South of Broadway Theatre Company would put up “The Last Flapper” by William Luce in January 2012 as part of its regular season. Mark is Artistic Director there, which I didn’t even realize when I first spoke to him, and would direct.  I would play Zelda.  “Woot!” followed quickly by “Yikes!”.

I think of the joke: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.  I told Mark the other day that I do feel like we’re eating an elephant and it’s chewy like a Milk Dud.

All I can say is “Thank God I did not take this on by myself!”.   I do not have any interest in owning a theatre company.  I just want to play great, challenging roles that tell a great story.  I’m thrilled that  Mark, Mary Gould and SOBTC embraced “The Last Flapper” and me with it!  I can’t even explain how important Mark’s insight, interpretation and enthusiasm for this show has been.  I was a little in love with the passionate, exuberant side of Zelda when I began researching, but as I learned more of the circumstances of her life and her relationship with Scott Fitzgerald, she became more tragic and sad in my eyes.  Mark brought her effervescence back.  I mean, for a show about a woman who loses her mind, her family, everything, to eventually die in a sanitarium fire....it’s really very funny and fast-paced.  Because she was.  She was a prankster, a dare-devil, a comedienne, an artist.  This makes me wonder, “how do people direct themselves?”. You would have to be correct in your decisions 100% of the time.  That seems impossible.  For me, anyways.

So “The Last Flapper” opens in just a few weeks, January 20th.  We still have some work to do, that’s for sure, but I think we’ve sanded off enough to see that there is something shiny under there. I hope to do justice to Zelda.  She was a real person, not a character.  The play is not only about her, but also based on her beautiful writings.  In life, she never received the accolades for her own artistic accomplishments that she so desired. I had so hoped to have some of her amazing paintings to exhibit during the run, but could find none that were available. Maybe that is for another day. I am honored to tell her story.  At least for a few nights of theatre, a few of us will see her “tiny flickering light” and “...speculate on whether her eyes were blue or brown.  Of course, they’re neither.”

If you would like official press info, an interview, etc., you can contact me at leslievicary@aol.com . For reservations, see www.southofbroadway.com.  Thanks!